Bag Lady

My purse is always the same - large and roomy so I can store my credit cards as well as a portable lounge chair should needs be. Seriously, if one were to look into my purse they would think I was some kind of magician. Exclaims of, “How can you store all THAT into such a relatively tiny portal?!” are sure to ensue. Bandaids? Check. Water bottle? Natch. Gum? Of course! A book and a tablet? Why not? How about makeup, credit cards, a magazine, spare socks, sunglasses and a day planner? Who doesn’t, right? My doomsday self is convinced I'll never know when I might be stranded or abducted by an alien so having extra snacks or a compass at the ready honors my inner girl scout.

I’m stunned I don’t have permanent shoulder damage as a result of all my “let’s just put it in there and I’ll deal with it tomorrow/Scarlett O’Hara” mentality. When it comes to most things in life, I believe in organization and tidiness. There are, however, two exceptions to this rule: the contents of my purse and the contents of my even bigger purse…my car. Now that's what I call carrying around extra baggage!

Shaving Years Off

I know, I know, this is the last place you would ever expect to find an info-mercial but I wanted to share my latest favorite find.

It started when I was indulging in my secret (though not secret anymore) guilty pleasure of witnessing the expert pitches on QVC. They are masters at their craft. They can make a rubber tire sound like the most exciting thing on the planet and they can persuade you to let go of $500 with a wink of the eye in just five “easy-pay” payments. News? Click. Reality shows? Click. QVC? I can watch for hours. Anyway, during one of my “gee, I wish I had more money in my budget” moments they were expounding the wonders of Emjoi. “It will take years off your dry, cracked feet”, “Better than getting a pedicure at the most expensive salons!”. They had a live demonstration and it looked like a miracle worker so naturally, I gave in - but in a thrifty way (as only a budget like mine can produce!). I went online to find the same thing at much lower cost and it was cheap enough that I didn’t regret the purchase. I tried it out yesterday and all I can say is WOW!! It was super-easy, did the job like you wouldn’t believe and yes, my feet look years younger. Hmmm. If only they would make an Emjoi for the face...

Let Them Eat Cake...er, I mean, Maple Creme Caramel!

Has anyone checked out Oprah’s “O” magazine for May? In her “Here We Go!” she mentions that if you put yourself in the right frame of mind, you can use the years you’ve racked up to make those to come even better. Then she ends her column with “a great chat, cute dress, gripping book and a dish of maple crème caramel are a pretty good start”. Say what, Oprah? So all I need to do is indulge myself and ageism in the workforce will be on its way out?  Buying exceptionally stylish clothes and accessories never get old (her words, not mine) so that means neither will I if I just purchase your suggestions? Brilliant! Out of touch, but brilliant.

On the entertainment show “Extra” Oprah mentioned the one thing that irritates her most are women who are afraid to reveal their true age. Really? Umm…have you looked for a job recently, Oprah? Stating your age prior to retirement is pretty detrimental because society views you as no longer relevant and the working world wants younger, cheaper, and prettier. Skills and experience are always trumped by youth and enthusiasm – unless you happen to be independently wealthy, well connected, hold a management position...or be all of the above like Oprah. Her wisdom tells us that putting on a pair of four-inch stilettos and a stylish dress will help balance things out and put the odds in our favor. Nothing like having Oprah as a personal life coach!

I have to admit, though, if I was continuously on Forbes "richest" list each year and surrounded myself by a bunch of “yes” men/women, I too might be caught up in that Marie-Antoinette type of mentality.  This time, though, instead of “cake” Oprah has the good taste to suggest a much yummier dessert.

P.S. Quick update: As you can see, my blog entry was done at the last minute so clearly I'm back feeling like my old self again. Also, I got my results and I am not due back to the torture chamber for another three years.

Dog Days

Today I am sick as a dog. Not your ordinary “Gee I have the sniffles” sick but the “I am writing my blog at 4 A.M. in the morning because my throat is in so much pain I can’t sleep” kind. You would think taking two days off work and laying low would have done the trick but instead this bug has turned a vicious corner and I am constantly thinking of the Alicia Keys’ “Girl on Fire” lyrics: She's got her head in the clouds (hello Nyquil stupor!) and she's not backing down (from swigging gallons of herbal tea), this girl(’s throat) is on fire, this girl(’s throat) is on fire…

I actually think I have strep and yes, I’m calling my doctor. In the meantime, I’m convinced I know how I got it – s-t-r-e-s-s. It is well documented that too much stress can make your body more vulnerable to little buggies that freely float about. The previous week I had “good stress”: vacation time and having family visit as well as “bad stress”: going for my “woman’s health” exam. You know what I am talking about. Suffice it to say, it took a village to get me to my appointment. Perhaps I got strep from straining my vocal chords to a high “c” after the familiar “this might feel a little uncomfortable” phrase was used. Love the word “might”, as in you “might” die someday or “might” get a headache if an anvil happens to fall out of the sky and land on your head.