Good Evening, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver

Or as I like to call it, “Hello, Oscar Night 2013”. I get it. The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences desperately wanted the approval of that much desired target audience of males aged 35 and under.  I imagine what might have happened prior to the hiring of Seth as the host was someone on the board of “whatever” had a light bulb appear above his head as he exclaimed, “Let’s get Seth McFarlane! He’s snarky and young and he’ll bring an edge to our show.” “Boffo!” says some white hair dude from the ol’ boys club. “He’ll slay ‘em!” exclaims another while puffing on a cigar. “The ratings will fly through the roof!” shouts still another as he frantically dials numbers on his rotary phone trying to connect with Seth’s agent.

Even with all the talents and snarkiness Seth exudes, the powers-that-be missed the fact that Seth is actually a real-life version of Eddie Haskell. Yep, I admit I’m old enough to remember Wally’s best friend and Beaver’s nemesis. Sneaky, snide and rude around his friends but in front of the adults he reigned it in. Kinda the same thing that Seth did around the old dudes who direct and run The Academy...oops, I mean The Oscars. I think if Seth had gone all-out it would have played better but instead he tested the waters ever so slightly, afraid to step on too many toes. My suggestion for next year? How about Jimmy Kimmel or Tina Fey and Amy Poehler? Don't get me wrong, I am all for honoring age and experience but I have never been a fan of the "good ol' boys club" that seems to continue to prevail in Hollywood and make major decisions. This time their collective reasoning of choosing Seth to host flopped or as TIME so aptly put it, "American Dud". My choice would be to bring back Billy Crystal to which my 25 year old son complained, "But mom! He's so OLD!!" I countered with, "better old and entertaining than some whippersnapper trying to impress the parents".

FYI: The Academy Awards, was officially rebranded as The Oscars as of February 20, 2013. No lie, the Co-producer Neil Meron said, “We’re not calling it ‘the 85^th annual Academy Awards,’ which keeps it mired somewhat in a musty way. It’s called ‘The Oscars.’ Musty? Seriously, why doesn’t he just say it? They changed the name so it’d be easier to text. 

YEE HA!

Last week the Grammy's were on. It got me to thinkin' about Country Western music and the crazy song titles they come up with. Naturally, I thought of a few of my own and so without further adieu, here they are:

My get up and go has done gone and went

How can I forget ya when my mind’s already left?

Gettin' me some trifocals to see the wrong you done

Your shoes are sensible even if you ain’t

And the Grammy goes to...

A Grain of Truth

I bet you are singing the jingle right now, aren't you? Who knew their bouncy little tune would foretell the future!

SNAP: your hip goes out and onlookers think you're spontaneously vying for a spot on "Dancing With The Stars" as you try to keep from doing a face-plant

CRACKLE: your dry skin is such a wasteland Aveeno stocks surge

POP: the waist button on your pants can no longer hold and the built up force thrusts it into orbit as onlookers shout "incoming" and "duck and cover"

Though a little hard to swallow, these three guys are still singing our song.

This Bites

I recently found this definition in Dictionary.com: 

 

plate tectonics

 

a theory of global tectonics in which the lithosphere is divided into a number of crustal plates, each of which moves on the plastic asthenosphere more or less independently to collide with, slide under, or move past adjacent plates. 

Believe it or not, there is a similar definition found in the book of dentistry:

plate tectonics
 

a natural occurrence that will ensure the purchase of a summer home in the Hamptons. Clientele of a certain age will experience teeth shifting like tectonic plates. Offer them the option of Invisalign or standard braces. Explain that with age teeth are prone to independently collide with or slide under or move past adjacent gum lines. Use grave concern when saying lines like "It will only get worse". AARP Advertising highly advised.